A Message to the Sad Bachelor

Single people,

I know social media makes it hard on you. There’s no escape. Your friends post a Facebook status every dinner date, Instagram every romantic gift, tweet every inside joke and funny occurrence. It feels like they do it on purpose sometimes, the especially solitary moments, to gloat, to humiliate. The unbearable loneliness, a moment you long to escape from via any vehicle you can find; text, chat, phone call, a night out, something to cancel the noise vibrating from those four walls that scream at you in their silence, laugh at your boredom, the fact that your cell hasn’t rang and your door bell might as well not exist. If you’re not connecting, networking, staying in company, feeling remembered, important, relevant, you’re fading away. All hobbies consequently seem mundane, worthless, and insignificant. What’s the point if no one else notices? What’s the point if it doesn’t bring you any closer to someone else?

But, don’t fall for the steady stream of misrepresentation ushered in by the omnipresent technology at our finger tips. It’s a shallow smile on a face with as many wrinkles and dark marks as the one reflected in the mirror. It’s too raw a subject to share the same way they do everything else. It’s that inside look into their lives that equalizes them, makes them human, god forbid. They don’t want you to know they’re insecure with their partners. But, they are, and too often the reason they’re tied at the hip with their partners is more about surveillance than love, that false sense of security. It’s not all endearing and comfortable as those pictures portray. You’d notice if you opened your eyes past your own pity, the self-imposed prison you’ve constructed because your life varies greatly from those on your laptop screen. It’s a lie. Even the healthy relationships require a great deal of work; compromise, patience, tolerance, and acceptance – things much harder to capture on camera, things you’ll never see from the surface.

So, that means you’re chasing the imaginary, friend. Your journey has been all too fantastical this entire time because you’re aiming for the ephemeral. That ends now. You’re in the light. The bullshit no longer overshadows your vision. It’s a chance to see your time alone as an opportunity to further your self-knowledge, strengthen your inner spirit, and sharpen your outward gaze. The silence that frightened you, made you feel unpopular and antiquated, manifests as a respite from unnecessary drama, a calm that resonates strength and independence.

When this state becomes easy, you’ll never feel in need or defensive around couples. It means your relationship with yourself is fully developed. You’re capable of a partnership, but not desperate, and that’s more than many “taken” people can claim. Ergo, get better at being alone. It doesn’t equate loneliness or inadequacy. It means you’re not done crafting yourself into the person you will become.

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